Life Isn't Perfect or Shit

Hi, I’m Amber, and I’m a recovering perfectionist. 🙋‍♀️

For much of my life, I felt deeply flawed and very unsafe in this world. I clung to any scrap of stability I could find. That’s where perfectionism saw her "in". She dug her claws in me and set up shop. With perfectionism by my side, I felt I had a set of rules to follow, a clear “path” of what to aspire to, a way to make up for my “issues” and prove to the world that I was good enough. At first it felt good… that’s how she got me. I set a goal, I met it- gold star! But over time, the goals became more and more challenging, and more and more unrealistic. She became demanding, demeaning, and cruel. I rarely got gold stars anymore. I could rarely meet her outrageous expectations. So I NEVER felt good. Nothing was EVER good enough. Because you see the way that perfectionism often works is there is no in-between- it’s either perfect or total shit. There’s no recognition for trying, for progress. You either do it “right,” or you lose. And that’s how she paralyzed me. That’s how she stopped all my goals, all my progress, in their tracks. That’s how she kept me small. That’s how she kept me from outgrowing her. ⭐⭐⭐

The truth is that the magic happens in the gray area. Perfectionism is full on black and white thinking. And we don’t live in a black and white world. Things don’t often go in a straight path. It’s not so much about getting from point A to B, but the journey in-between. When we’re stuck in the prison of perfectionism, we can’t grow, we lose our ability for self compassion, we self sabotage. The “perfect or shit” mentality is a horrible trap. 😥

When you escape from that trap you are free to learn, grow, celebrate small wins, let things go, love yourself, be vulnerable, be authentic, feel good about who you are- not just what you do or how you look. I’ll never forget re-doing and re-doing my cat eye makeup over and OVER again each morning- furious that it wasn’t just “so.” Ugh. No thanks! Life is so much better when you live a little, when you love yourself THROUGH your growth and through your mistakes. 💜💜💜

Set yourself free and come play in the gray with me! Life’s much more fun over here! 💃💃💃