I Thought It Was All My Fault
I was chatting with a client today and we were discussing how she overthought scenarios in her head before they even happened. It was holding her back from asking what she deserved, and from standing up for her worth for fear she would upset someone.
It reminded me of how I often did the same thing in my life. As a sensitive, it’s easy for me to tap into how others are feeling. So easy, that sometimes I THINK I know how they WILL feel in a situation and that can paralyze me. I can’t do this, because I know she’ll say that. I can’t ask for this because he will get mad. Several things are at play here: One, we never really know what’s going to happen until it does. Two, what about OUR feelings? Why do they come last? And three- what is it that makes us feel like we are RESPONSIBLE for everyone else’s feelings?
Growing up, I felt SO deeply that I thought it was my job to “fix” the feelings of everyone in my family. If someone was upset, I thought it was my fault. If I couldn’t make them not upset- even MORE my fault. If something went wrong, my fault. I felt responsible for family member’s depression, abuse, and drug and alcohol addiction. It breaks my heart to look back now, at this sweet young kid who felt she had to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders… for things she really had no control over.
We are deep feelers. Natural helpers and healers. We have incredibly big and kind hearts. But we have to remind ourselves that WE deserve our love and care too! That though we can feel the feelings of others, that does not mean we are responsible for them. Or that we have to, or even CAN fix them. We have to remember that we TEACH people how to treat us. If we do not believe in our worth, in the importance of our own feelings- if we keep putting others first, than we will almost always come last. With ourselves and those around us.
We have a deep capacity to heal and help but to do that we have to heal and help ourselves first. To learn how to stand in our worth and support others while STILL supporting ourselves, without codependency. We have to learn that someone’s bad mood or dirty most often has nothing to do with us.
We have to learn to build solid roots of worth, confidence, and connection to our truth. Ready to free yourself? Join me for a powerful free workshop on January 26th, created just for us highly sensitive empath women! It’s time to show up for yourself and learn to love the thin skin you’re in!