Let's talk about worth
I used to think I had to search outside of myself for validation of my worth. I felt I had to PROVE that I was worthy of love. That I had to work harder to earn my worthiness, love and attention. To MAKE UP for what I felt was a shameful flaw that I carried… this nagging sense of not-enougness, yet at the SAME time too-muchness. The shame of being different, of being misunderstood, of being a super emotional sensitive empath.
And so I turned away from myself and the truth of who I was, and I began seeking evidence of approval and clues of reassurance that I was “ok” from everything and everyone around me.
I felt worthy if:
- I made someone happy, even and usually at the expense of my own happiness
- I fixed, smoothed over, mediated some sort of tension or argument
- I followed the rules, got straight A’s
- I didn’t ruffle any feathers, upset anyone, hurt anyone’s feelings
- I stayed quiet about my vast inner world of feelings
- I was told I was a “good girl” or that I did something “right”
The truth is, many of us who are sensitive are taught to look outside of ourselves for this validation. To not trust ourselves. To hush our voices and tuck away our feelings. To not take up space, to hide who we really are. But deep down inside, you are worthy because you exist. Every one of us, no matter how different, has an inherent birthright to worthiness. We are born innocent, worthy beings. No one can strip you of your worth. But you must resist the messages you’ve been given that say you have to earn, prove, or fight your way to it.
I no longer look outside for my worth. I find it in moments of silence with myself. On my meditation pillow. In my connection with the divine. When I connect to my truth and speak it out loud, boldly. When I look not at what I’ve DONE in my life but at the core of who I AM and who I continue to BE. How I show up not only for others, but for myself, and for what I believe in. When I connect to my mission and passion in life. I hold on fiercely to my worth, because it is the center of my strength, my compassion, my voice. And when we can stand solidly in our worthiness- from THAT place, we can truly help and heal the world.